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This may lead to thoughts like, “Well, I never got interested in sex, so maybe no one else really did, either.

Maybe they’re all just faking to fit in.” Which brings us to… Sometimes, some asexuals will feel pressured to pretend to be interested in sex in order to fit in. ” …and you sputter out something about Johnny or Sally, not because you’re actually interested in them, but because they seemed like acceptable options to use to hide how you really feel, because if you told your friends how you really feel, they’d just laugh at you and think you’re a freak. Eventually, you may even end up in a relationship and…

The asexual’s friends all start talking about boys or girls, but they don’t feel anything yet themselves.

All your friends get caught up in what they’d like to do and who they’d like to do it with, but you don’t feel that way about anyone. You pretended to like sex so your partner wouldn’t think you didn’t love them.

For many people, love and sex are inextricably linked.

Some asexuals may even look at this and think that’s bizarre. The whole concept is so different from how they look at the same scenario that it may be impossible for them to process those actions into something that makes sense. Some asexuals don’t connect with the word “hot” and other words describing someone’s sexual desirability.

For some asexual people, the thought “I would like to have sex with that person” could seem as random and unexpected as “I would like to paint that person blue, cover them with twigs, and dance around them in a circle all night”. We’re able to judge and rank subjective beauty on a scale from “ugly” to “pretty”, we may feel that some people are “cute”, but “hot” can be a word that some asexuals avoid. When other people use words like “hot”, we can sense that there’s some innate internal buzzer going off inside their mind, and that the word is not just some synonym or sub-category of words like “cute” or “pretty”.

” checklist, so it’s okay if you don’t identify or agree with any of them.

They’re just experiences that I’ve seen pop up over and over when asexuals talk about their lives.

They make suggestive comments about the delivery person or the receptionist or the wait staff at the restaurant.

If they’re talking about other people, like how “hot” the waitress is or how “steamy” the delivery guy is, there’s a good chance that you didn’t even notice them.

Many asexuals describe having a sort of “Emperor’s New Clothes” view of sex at some point in their lives: That everyone else is just pretending to like it simply because everyone else seems to like it, and they don’t want to be the only one who speaks out and says “No, I’m not really into that.” In this view, a sexually charged culture enforces conformity.

This view often comes about during the teenage years.

This is the third post in a three part series on the possible signs of asexuality.


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